Thursday, October 11, 2007

motherhood: the perfect job?

6 comments
 
While contemplating new career moves, I was forwarded this by a friend.

Know anyone who may want this job?

POSITION:

Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma

JOB DESCRIPTION:

Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment.

Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.

Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:
  • The rest of your life.

  • Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs
    $5.

  • Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.

  • Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go
    from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the
    screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.

  • Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small
    gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.

  • Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of
    multiple homework projects.

  • Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of
    all ages and mental outlooks.

  • Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the
    next.

  • Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap,
    plastic toys, and battery operated devices.

  • Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.

  • Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end
    product.

Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT AND PROMOTION:
None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
You pay them. Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left.

BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

NOTE: There is no retirement, ever.

6 comments :

  1. You're not the only one contemplating a job change... but I really don't even want to work! But the opportunity would be great for the bank account... guess it's time for me to do the pro con list. (I still have 6 months to go on my maternity leave and I'd love to use it all and more.)

    ReplyDelete
  2. hmmm, this sounds good to me! how do I quit my current job??

    ReplyDelete
  3. I always said:

    You are on-call 24 hours a day. No Call -ins and no vacations either. But it is quite a stable job. Quitting is not allowed so once you're a Mom, you'll forever be one.

    :-)MJ
    http://wantsugar.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  4. MJ - On call 24/7? Does that mean I can write off my Blackberry? :)

    ReplyDelete

 
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