Monday, October 25, 2010

more guilt

5 comments
 
I was reading a magazine when this literally jumped off the page and knocked me over the head:
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when. But you can decide how you're going to live now. - Joan Baez
But instead of breaking out into "We Shall Overcome," I started into Mom2Amara guilt.

Not mommy guilt mind you. Mom2Amara guilt.

I've given up apologizing for having a full time job. I have no shame in partaking in wine o'clock with my closest girlfriends. And I downright will brag about when I have an appointment with the masseuse.

But I hang my head in shame for not working out more. And when Dad2Amara has to play Girl Scout mom because I can't tell time to save my life, I kinda feel badly. Then I think about my Mom and how she left us all too soon.

Life's short. It could all end tomorrow. And I'd still be wearing a size [cough] because I can't stop my carb-licious diet. Or maybe I should stop tweeting while I'm standing in line at the grocery store so I can actually hold a conversation with Amara.

This argument with myself went on for hours.

But then I remembered, I'm leaving for vacation in less than a month. And Amara and I have already mapped out what rides we will hit first once we arrive.

I reminded myself I ran twice this weekend, enjoying the colorful fall leaves against a beautiful sunrise.

And I took Amara to a Halloween party at the local Y, even though all I really wanted to do was take a nap.


Then, all of a sudden, the fighting stopped. No more internal bickering.

And all was right with the world.

So no, you don't know what the future will hold. But you can decide how you're going to live your life. And hopefully, you'll do it with a smile.

5 comments :

  1. That "guilt" and internal arguing are what consumes working mamas every day. I always tell people there's a constant battle of work/personal shit vs. my kids/mama shit. Every day one or the other wins just a little bit, but we wouldn't be good mamas if we didn't feel that guilt once in a while :)

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  2. @Amanda great way of putting it. Some guilt makes us well rounded, no?

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  3. Parenting is all about guilt and then guilt for not taking care of yourself you should is an added bonus. Don’t be too hard on yourself and tell the voices in your head to stop bickering. It is only natural to think of your mom and miss her.

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