Monday, October 31, 2011

defriended

5 comments
 
We're going to be connected for life. He is after all Dad2Amara.

And when all is said and done, I truly hope he and I can remain friends in real life.

But there's something about staying friends with him on Facebook through this process that made me uneasy.


I surely didn't want to add fuel to the fire. We've gone down an already destructive path - the journey did not need to be rockier. I didn't want a confrontation. So I gently asked Dad2Amara if I could do the unthinkable. And last night, I clicked "unfriend."

It seemed so final.

And it seemed so simple. One click, and it was done.

But I know it isn't. I'm sincere when I say I hope I can friend him on social media again in the future.

But let's be honest. It's not like I'm dumping him. We're beyond that now.

I could have untagged him from family photos. I mean, we've been married for 11 years. We have an eight-year-old daughter. That's a lot of holidays, anniversaries, and other random memories documented on that timeline. But I did not.

Yet I felt I needed to cut him from my Facebook friends' list.

I'll admit, I had a bit of immature stalking going on - checking up on his page, keeping tabs on him. He rarely posts on Facebook so then I thought, well maybe I can keep posting so he can see what he's missing. But I'm not Beyonce. I don't think I'm making him jealous over my wall posts about Pixie Dust.

Because Dad2Amara is not active on social media, it wasn't his posts in my news feed that annoyed me. I was more worried about how he perceived my posts. Paranoid? Perhaps. Self-centered? Sure. But legitimate concern of mine? Absolutely. It goes without saying he notices what I post.

And honestly, I felt like I was typing on virtual eggshells. I didn't know what reaction my Facebook statuses would get. And it's difficult to get my friends to comment on my posts when they know he's watching too.

So in the end, defriending him is what I chose.

Maybe I'll get a friend request from Dad2Amara. Perhaps it will coincide with when Amara opens her Facebook account. Or maybe it will be the day this is all official and complete. But I've said it before: nothing lasts forever. But I'm hopeful one day, he and I can be friends again.

5 comments :

  1. Oh Nik, I am sending you much love and support, as much as the Interwebs can handle. Big hug and kiss.

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  2. Oh girl, I'm so sorry you have to go through all of this. You're in my thoughts a lot lately. Hugs Hugs beers beers...

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  3. Did someone say beer? I'll take you up on that beer. And I'll definitely want one of those hugs. Maybe even two.

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  4. It's a tough thing. I waffled for a long time with defriending my ex-fiance. My reasons for wanting to were much the same as yours. Ultimately, he defriended me, which somehow hurt more. So, at least you're the one who pulled that plug. Hang in there! You made the right choice!

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  5. Thanks CLEgal. I am so grateful for the daily reminders from friends like you that I've made the right decision!

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