Friday, March 9, 2012

fat and ugly no more

4 comments
 
I’ve always been fat.

Now before you go yelling at me. Let me explain.

I know I have come a long way. 50 pounds down. That’s huge.

Well actually, I was huge.

But no longer. I was never a skinny girl. And I never will be. But now I’m a healthy girl. And kinda a good role model. (Note I'd say a really good role model but I know I didn't lose the last 10 pounds in a responsible way but we won't get into that right now.)

But I know sometimes I say things that probably aren't good for my daughter to be hearing. Like saying I still want to lose more weight. Or I’m ashamed of my flabby stomach. Or the room shakes with my thunder thighs. Or that Amara inherited my thunder thighs (because Aunt2Amara, you know we both have them and our daughters are destined to have them...sorry).

So I have to learn to embrace the beautiful body I have.

Beautiful.

Yea.

Remember when I said I was never a skinny girl? Well I had never ever been referred to as beautiful. I mean, that’s reserved for supermodels. And television anchors. Or my neighbor. But not me.

No, I’m not having a pity party for one. I’ve been called attractive. Cute. Pretty. But beautiful? Nope. Then it happened. I didn’t believe it. And sometimes I still don't. But how can I have my daughter believe me when I say it when I don’t believe it myself?

It's no secret I have been placed in unknown territory. I have had to learn who I am, discover how strong I am (or am not), and trust the people who love me. So my birthday manifesto this year (it's been four years since I have written one) will include only one public declaration: I will continue to believe, trust, and rely on those who genuinely care for and love me and my daughter.

That way I will remember that I am fat and ugly no more. And I will always know that the events of the last few months will not break me.

4 comments :

  1. You ARE beautiful ...inside and out. Happy birthday my friend. xoxo

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  2. Hey Mo, I think you're beautiful. Does my vote count??

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  3. You absolutely count! But with you, that may be the beer talking :)

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  4. F*ck yea, you are beautiful. Duh.com my sparkly friend.

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