Thursday, June 28, 2012

dreaming in color

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Lately, life has felt like a dream. Surreal. My head in the clouds. I can hardly believe it's almost July. I haven't blogged in over a month.

Yet what's odd is that I rarely remember my dreams. They fade so quickly after I wake. So how can I compare life to something I don't quite truly comprehend?

Admittedly, given the circumstances, life has been pretty good for Amara and me. But everything around me was taking place in black-and-white. I was simply a character in this dream. I had no lines, no specific role. No progress was being made on the divorce. We're still running in circles, paycheck to paycheck. Some days, I still can't distinguish what day it is. It was as if I were cast as an extra in this dream. I was just there. I existed.

But I know I dream in color. So ultimately this black-and-white stuff was crap. So I waited, and soon the fog around me began to lift. Again.


This dream - my so called life - became a wild palette of color thrown together in a fierce way. And instead of a non-speaking role, I all of a sudden felt like I was in lead actress, director, set designer and playwright rolled into one.

Why can't the dream be tranquil? Picturesque with rolling hills and sunshine?


I found myself once again immersed in activities and surrounded by people that meant so much to me. I was honored to be asked to be the keynote speaker at the annual meeting for the Hospice of the Western Reserve. Amara and I have already spent a ton of time in the sun and in the water. Work has been good. And I've been blessed to have spent several nights exploring the city (my great hometown of CLE and my favorite Windy City too).

But the days were F-L-Y-I-N-G by. I didn't want life to be this whirlwind of events that neither Amara or I could remember. Or completely appreciate and enjoy.

I wanted the colors to mean something, to signify something.

So here I am today. I've slowed down some. I'm taking deep breaths. And I'm making time for only what truly matters. And as one black-and-white obstacle is erased, I can take up another passion. Or hobby.  Or champion a cause.

Little by little I'm reclaiming my life.

I'm learning everything doesn't have to be so black-and-white. It may not always be the brightest of days or the most colorful of spots, but the unexpected can be so wonderful.

So here's to a colorful Thursday. May you erase any black and white spots may exist and fill them with the most vibrant of hues.

3 comments :

  1. I love that you are dreaming in color now...and that life is starting to resemble a new happy normal for you. xoxo

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  2. You are healing – that is what it sounds like. I am glad that you are dreaming in color again and that you are getting stronger everyday. Just like that Kelly Clarkson song - Stronger. What doesn’t kill us can only make us stronger. Just continue to appreciate and enjoy – after all, life is too short. - Lana

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