I changed a lightbulb yesterday. That simple action became a turning point in my weekend.
Would you believe I have never once changed a lightbulb? (Well I have changed them in table side lamps, but that's it.) So this was a BIG milestone in this long, long journey.
I won't close the door on any possibility. If it's meant to be, it will happen. But the fear has kicked in and I needed to be reminded of all of that. How will I provide for Amara? Who will change the lightbulbs? Who will hang my photographs on the wall? Will I spend the rest of my life alone? Who will pay for my new shoes? (OK I'm kidding on that last one, but seriously, it's been awhile since I've bought new shoes.) It really became too much for me to process.
But with the help of a few dear and loving friends, I -ahem- saw the light at the end of the tunnel. This weekend, my friends have taken the brunt of my misery (as in tear-filled phone calls, late night text messages, and bottles of wine) yet they never complained. It was ugly for all of us.
But they continued to check on me. And slowly, I felt somewhat sane. So I looked to do something productive to make amends for my dark weekend.
The bulb in my bedroom light fixture burned out months ago, but I figured I could live with a dim room. Call it ambiance.
But when you're using your iPhone to light the way to bed, you know it's time to change the damn thing. I was confused at first. Did I need a ladder? Step stool? Did the bulb have to be a certain wattage? And how different could the wattage be?
I stared at the light fixture for what felt like forever. Then it got just plain irritating. So I jumped in and disassembled the fixture. And what do you know, it worked. I actually changed the lightbulb. When that $1.00 piece of glass glowed, I couldn't have been prouder.
As corny as it sounds, that light provided me a glimmer of hope. I'll still have the whirlwind of emotions because there are so many unknowns about what's to come. It's difficult not to be thrilled and overwhelmed at the same time. But life will get brighter, right?
I hope you get to change a lightbulb this week too. It's the little things, people. I can't help it. That's all I got.