Monday, October 22, 2012

an open letter from a (almost) divorced mom

7 comments
 
Dear World,

In the past, my only countdown involved trips to the Windy City or the Magic Kingdom. But this month I'm making an exception.

10 more days.

Fingers crossed, in 10 days I can tell you "thanks." It's been a long 13 months. So many of you have stood by me and Amara through it all. You called, texted, bought dinner, gave wine, IM'd, hugged, brought more wine and simply cared. When I texted and said I was having a breakdown, I meant it. If I said I hated my life, I really did.

10 more days, and it all comes to an end.

Yet oddly enough, today I don't feel alone.

Dad2Amara is still that. My daughter's father. He's not my ex. For 12 years, Dad2Amara was my husband, my rock. Now he is no longer my anything. That should make me feel alone.

I have learned who my true friends are. Many have been patient yet love me all the same. I have fostered friendships that have flourished into something wonderful. And I lost a few friends that I miss terribly. That should make me feel alone.

My past definition of "family" has evaporated. Not only has the dynamics of my family drastically changed, but I'm still grieving my Mom's death. And I can never forget the memories I had with my Grandmother, one of my closest friends and Amara's namesake. That should make me feel alone.

But I don't.

I went from college to career to motherhood in between, and Dad2Amara was there. He helped define who I am. Yet looking back, I felt held back. So I walked away wounded and feeling alone. Yet now I no longer have a "better half" and feel so empowered. I'm forging my own direction and beginning to learn who I am again.

And I think it took all of this for me to face a truth so many have tried to convince me of:


It's me and Amara now. And geez, she really looks like me.

I've said it before: nothing lasts forever. But now I hear Amara's laughter filling my home again. It's way better than listening to sappy, depressing songs. And it proves that for me, forever is now just the beginning.

7 comments :

  1. The future looks bright ahead of you. You have endured so much and are definitely a stronger woman because of it...and the resemblance between you and Amara is uncanny. Two beauties!

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  2. You are such a strong and beautiful woman (inside and out)....and will have such a wonderful future. Just a few more days girl.....a few more days! :) Hugs

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  3. Tears. I am so happy for you. You are a strong, independent woman as Amara would say. I love you both dearly.

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  4. To new beginnings!! I'm so happy to have you and Amara in my life - I'm counting myself as one of the new friends :)

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  5. raising an invisible wine glass to new adventures for you both!

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  6. Cheers to new adventures. And thanks for being the person that texted me and understood when my world was falling a part. Your blogs remind me that its going to be okay and that I'm not alone.

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  7. Megan, you've supported me so much too. I'm lucky to have you as a friend!

    And my life's blessed with all of you too :)

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