how to wake before your alarm
- Have your child go bump in the night an hour shy of your alarm.
- Have child proceed to turn on television/CD player/obnoxious toy.
- Jump out of bed, thinking a mass murderer has entered your home, surely to slash the throats of you, your spouse, and your child.
- Sit quietly in bedroom. Convince yourself it's your overactive, lack-of-rest mind playing tricks on you. Although admit you've remained in your room because you do not want to be the first to die at the hands of the burglar.
- After 20 minutes, wake your spouse. Make him believe there is an intruder.
- Find said intruder -- your four year old daughter, listening to Spongebob after having wet the bed.
- Give child a bath. Then tuck her in the spare bedroom.
- Toss linens in the wash.
- Lay awake in bed for 15 minutes before acknowledging the fact that you will never go back to bed.
- Get out of bed at 3:25 a.m., five minutes before your alarm goes off.
See? Easy enough.
Now, where's my coffee.