letting my preschooler call the shots

I feel like I'm in a funk.

I have not been able to blog as openly and honestly as I would like. For a blabber mouth like me, it's difficult not to be chatty. Nothing is morbidly wrong. I just can't write about it. Too personal. Too mundane. Too iffy.

But things took a turn today. And I now feel comfortable enough to share a part of it all.

A few weeks ago, I wrote about a job courting me. Nothing ever came of it. The institution is dragging their feet in filling the position.

Unfulfilled and unhappy, I surprisingly wasn't looking for a new job. I was complacent. I didn't want to rock the boat.

But ten days ago, another television station called. They did their homework. They knew I was content. They knew motherhood was a strong calling. They asked me to dinner and to simply listen.

Listen I did.

And I listened again over breakfast.

The offer came in this morning. It's hard to ignore.

Everything says I should take the position. The title. The salary. The challenge. But I have doubts.

My current boss didn't help the skepticism.

Neither did Amara.

"Don't worry, Mommy," Amara said.

Maybe I trust my four year old daughter too much. Maybe I put too much faith into her decisions. But Amara does not want me to change jobs.

The hours would be long at the new place. Amara has said that given a choice, she would rather me pick her up from school than have extra money for McDonald's and trips to the Nick Hotel. Amara says she likes my current job. She enjoys visiting my coworkers.

Tell me again why I let Amara call the shots?


  1. of course, there's always the idea of exposing your daughter to different environments with new people who have unique ideas.

    when is the best time for a phone chat? of course, for me, it's mornings or early afternoons!!

    stating the obvious: but don't let that little girl with four years of experience be your sole decider. call me soon!

  2. Yikes, I know exactly how you're feeling! I've been going through this same thing for months now! All I can say is go with your gut - no matter that the salary, the prestige, and the cool new title all sound amazing, if it feels wrong at this point in your life, then it's wrong - or, vice versa. Weighing the good vs. the bad is really tough given all your sets of circumstances, but whatever decision feels right for you at the time you make the decision, will be the right one. Trust your judgment - and your gut.

    Congratulations on the job offer!!! And good luck!

  3. maybe she is just trying to go with your flow of not being totally sure you want to make the leap. kids pick up all the stuff you never think they do.

  4. Job decisions must be made from the inside out (is this what YOU want to do?) vs. from the outside in (perks/salary/snazzy new job title). I tell you, being a novelist is the most thankless job in the universe. When you're starting out, you have no perks/salary/snazzy new job title. But you do it, at least every single novelist I've ever talked to, not because of those external things, but because we are compelled by some inner fire to sit down and pound away on the keyboard.

    If some inner fire compells you to take on this new job, then it's the right decision for you. If the fire isn't there, stay in the old job.

  5. I just wanted to remind you about what we've been talking about and what the reaction has been. Do what you need to do, but don't forget the way you've been feeling!

  6. Always a balance act, isn't it? But I think happy moms makes children happy. Happy moms have fulfilling jobs that don't sap all your energy and all your time. Anyway, I just think if you are not happy with what you do now, changes need to happen. Just my humble opinion :) Best of luck.


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