Day 47

I did something I never thought I'd do.

I went cemetery "shopping."

It's almost like prom dress shopping. But less fun.

You're searching for what looks best from all angles. What's the view behind the headstone? How's the walk to the plot from the road? Will the fallen leaves in autumn be a bother?

Then you want just the right color. Is a black headstone too morbid? Would Mom like the grey? Is the pink too trendy? Script or block writing? And what graphics and sayings?

My Dad did not want to go to the cemetery so I took pictures at every turn.

I mean seriously - I never knew how involved shopping for a grave was so involved.

The morning went by quickly and then like a brick to the head, it hit me.

She's only 60. She has a 6 year old granddaughter, an 8 month old grandson. Mom is supposed to see Amara graduate and get married. Mom is supposed to celebrate her 35th wedding anniversary next year.

I'm not ready to bury my Mom.