Monday, January 24, 2011

an open letter to the mothers of the world


Dear Fellow Moms,

Motherhood is such a personal choice. And sometimes, for reasons beyond her control, it's a decision over which a woman has little control.

Over eight years ago, I surprised my husband with what would be the greatest blessing: a home pregnancy test showing two pink lines. We hadn't planned on becoming parents. Yet the moment Amara entered into our lives, we were smitten.

I never doubted our parenting skills. It wasn't arrogance, rather confidence the time-tested advice of our ancestors would carry us through. Being Mom2Amara has never been easy. But I think I'm pretty damn good at it. No professional accolades and no personal honors can compare. I might even say I excel at this motherhood thing.

But then the decision was made we would be an only-child household. Yet as I look around this past weekend, everyone I know seems to be expecting. Or as I eat lunch, every table surrounding mine has a family with a waving toddler.

And my heart then breaks.

As Amara begins to be more independent, I know dating and driver's license will be just around the corner. And butterfly kisses will be no more.

And I just want another chance to be a good mom.

Does this feeling ever go away? If I were to have another, would I long for a third? Or was I delusional with Amara and am destined to fail second time around?

I don't long for promotions. I don't care about how much money is in the bank. But will I always just long to be a Mom?

Signed,

Mom2Amara

3 comments:

  1. Great post! I felt the same way once the twins went into Grade 1 - I thought we could lovingly welcome another little one into our house.....I ended up getting a dog. The more the merrier!!

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  2. It probably doesn’t. 11 years later with my eleven year old and then now with a toddler at home at –no – I don’t think so. My mom says that she misses the days when we were all younger and when she had a full house. I am done though because I want to rejoice in their successes and I also want them to be older because I want a life of my own. I am sure that I will miss these days when they are older but I welcome it.

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  3. Love this post, I've been having these same feelings lately! Nice to know I'm not the only one!

    ReplyDelete

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